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Diva & Co.

Sunday, January 26, 2003

I'm so sick of all this diet talk. Everyone I know has been caught up in it for the last week, I too am guilty of it. I just can't hear anymore about it. Everyone's body is different and everyone needs different things for them to lose weight. I dunno why we all have to talk aobut it so much. I say we all just do what we gotta and get skinny and cute! Its just the winter blahs kicking in and making everyone hide under their sweaters. Pounds are always added on in the Winter, its just a fact of life. Once the warm weather rolls around we'll all be feeling better about ourselves.

Superbowl is on right now. It sucks. Well its good that Tampa Bay is winning, but so far: commercials SUCK and the halftime dealy with sting and no doubt and a lip syncing Shania Twain was poop on parade.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Okay, so I'm on this awful Atkin's Diet. I suppose its not really all that bad. I miss the sweets, especially twizzlers, samoas and Dunkin' Donuts, in particular my medium french vanilla with milk & 4 sugars! )c: I'm making it through though because although he doesn't agree with it, my boyfriend was sweet enough to stock me up on my clear american black cherry seltzer. Although it has no nutritional value whatsoever (0 cals, 0 carbs, 0 sodium and 0 sugar) its soooo good! It helps with my sweet needs.

Anyhow, I've been on the diet since monday and by tuesday I was ready to quit, but I tested myself last nite and I'm in "moderate ketosis" (where your body starts burning its own fat for energy) and I should be full on into it tonight. This morning however, I was feeling particularly down and since I'm a glutton for punishment I weighed myself. I was so nervous getting on the scale, but there it was in crisp black numbers: I LOST 4 POUNDS!. Needless to say thats helped get my spirits up. I just want to take off about 15 lbs and then I'll be happy. Once I get close to my target weight I'm going to start S L O W L Y putting my carbs back in and kickin' it up a notch at the gym.

No one really cares about this stuff, but its my blog and I can write what I want. :p

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Judge Robert Sweet is my hero. He has finally been able to step up to the masses of ignorant American's and greedy lawyers and end the insanity that is frivolous lawsuits.

Judge Sweet is the magistrate presiding over the "McDonalds made my kid fat" lawsuit. Earlier today Judge Sweet dismissed this lawsuit commenting "Where should the line be drawn between an individual's own responsibility to take care of herself and society's responsibility to ensure others shield her? The complaint fails to allege the McDonald's products consumed by the plaintiffs were dangerous in any way other than that which was open and obvious to a reasonable consumer." I have been saying this for quite some time now. When are people going to stop blaming all their problems, ignorance and otherwise boneheaded behavior on others?

Why hasn't natural selection selected against people who're lacking common sense? How are juries full of people awarding millions of dollars to these bumpkin retards? I'll be the first one to say that I don't think its fair for these global corporations to be rolling in money without giving something back, but really is allowing every idiot from a trailer to sue because they're too stupid to be responsible for themselves setting a good example? I think not.

I'm just glad that someone else out there how saw utterly ridiculous this lawsuit was. No healthy girl can eat a McMuffin for breakfast and a Big Mac for dinner everyday and maintain her figure unless she has some serious issues with bulemia or a wicked affinity for the "horse". Argh, I hate people like this. Blech. Die!

Monday, January 20, 2003

Went to Mohegan Sun on Friday for some good old fashioned Injun gambling. As many of the people I was with noticed: no indians actually work there, and if they did they were super incognito, or just got really good haircuts and traded in all their wampum for a nice 3 piece suit.

The day was disappointing early on to say the least. I lost about $60 in the first twenty minutes or so that I was there because slot machines are straight up evil. I learned how to play Keno. Keno is a very useless game. You don't win a lot of money, its very slow paced and they put you in this living room setting with armchairs filled with old people. It seems like one of those waiting rooms where people go to die. Seriously, I must have played for about half an hour all together maybe forty five minutes and I was the youngest person in the room the entire time. It was me and my boyfriend and then the entire geriatric field trip group from Shady Grove retirement home.

Anyhow, the boyf and I got separated from the people we'd orginally come with and began to wander in search of food. In our travels we ended up finding them and ate some entirely overpriced and not particularly delicious buffet where I saw the biggest abuse of a rascal scooter known to man. Some gigantic el slobo fatty was rolling around in it from buffet station to station with his awful army green shirt riding up his gelatinous gut the entire time. For christ's sake, cover that thing up!

After our disgusting lunch and after I'd chucked my cookies (note to self: don't eat crabcakes at an Indian casino that is nowhere's near any body of water) we decided we were ready to hit the tables for some rockin' gaming action. We passed up black jack, spanish 21, roulette and baccarat for one game and one game only: Casino War!! Yes, that's right, I said War, like W-A-R spells war, like you learned when you were little. Casino War owns your ass, and is a GREAT way to get cash when you're down. I don't think there is any where else in the casino that any of us could have turned $20-40 into $200 and had so much damn fun doing it! If only that bastard asian man with bad breath hadn't sat down next to the boyf and taken all the good cards, we all prolly would have come out winners.

Moral of this story: if you're ever strapped for cash in upstate CT make sure you go to mohegan sun and sit your ass down at the Casino War table and get your win on.

Thursday, January 16, 2003

**Disclaimer: if you work in an office of uptight suits with a gestapo-esque I.T. department you shouldn't click this link**

This intrigues me. Why is it called a decorator penis? Whats so particularly decorative about this penis that other penises are lacking? Do we really need ejaculating dildos? Futhermore, do we really need a recipe for cum? With all that said lets not forget the most obvious question here: are women really stupid enough to shove condensed milk up thier cooch. Do the words "yeast infection" mean nothing to anyone anymore?

This whole aparatus seems like entirely too much work. Give me the hello kitty vibrator any day. Its even an officially licensed sanrio product. Cute & satisfying...gotta love Japanese ingenuity.

I bitch a lot. If you don't like it, stop reading.

Sometimes I think the people I work with are purposely trying to force me to flip out. No one could possibly as stupid, socially inept or bad at hygeine as these people. They're mongrels, every last one of them.

I don't think there is a single one of them that could pass even the simplest IQ test. Honestly, I don't get paid enough money to sit here and listen to their mindless drivel, and corny jokes for seven hours a day. I especially can't handle the fact that I have to sit in the cube next to the grosso wheelchair guy. He always smells like piss and clips his fingernails at his desk, but the worst part is his fucking fingernail shrapnel lands on my desk! Ew! Ew! Ew! I'm sure he hasn't realized the science and art that is fingernail clipping.

One day when both my mom and I are out sick (or even on a weekend), I hope this f'n building burns down...no wait, I hope it implodes, some how that seems cooler.

Do you think when the internet was still the ARPA-net way back when in the 1960's and the threat of nuclear war loomed heavy over everyone's head that they could have ever imagined their fancy information transferring system would become a vapid wasteland of spam e-mails & sites, as well as a soapbox for any idiot with the skills to type to give their two cents to the world? I sincerely hope not, and I'm sure those scientists are rolling over in their graves every time someone accesses a site like the following nuggets of filth I present to you:

Work From Home - Ugh die, I don't want to stuff envelopes for you and I don't believe Chuck & Belinda from Two Roads Backwoods, Arkansas really made 100,000 on your system last year. If so why are they still living in their trailer in AK and why are they still missing teeth?

The Hamster Dance - I hope the women at "Dotcomladies.com" die a horible painful death when their children, spouses and other pets finally get so sick of hearing that goddamned "doo duh dee doh doo duh dee doo" that they just go right for the jugular. Blargh! Die!

Smiley's - When did punctuation start going berzerk and work its way into our cultural lexicon along with a multitude of other useless and equally obnoxious expressions like "lol", "IMO", "brb" , and "Rotfl". No one gives a shit what you think or how hard you're laughing. In fact you're probably not even laughing so "STFU!"

The "End" of the internet - Then you get these comedian wannabes who think just because their mother tells them they're funny that they are allowed to further propagate examples of their retardation to the world. You're not funny, you've filled my inbox with quaint jokes and beat even remotely funny spoofs to death (i.e. those master card priceless jokes)

Finally, I wont link to it becuase it spreads its own form of disease through email, but I want to give a gigantic FUCK YOU to those bungholes who just got email last week or haven't realized yet how annoying it is when people send endless chain letters, surveys and "forward this to people and Bill Gates & the Gap will send you a million bajillion dollars every week for the rest of your life". You ignorant bumpkin. There is no Bill Gates, furthermore if there even was he prolly wouldn't use something as "antiquated as e-mail", Bill would send his messages through a classier, more hi-tec medium, like hologram technology, duh!