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Diva & Co.

Thursday, February 27, 2003

Now who'll be my neighbour?


I know Patches already posted this, but its the first time I had a chance to get online, you bastards! America's favorite neighbour, Fred Rogers, passed away Thrusday from stomach cancer at the ripe old age of 74. He entertained generations of America's youth with trips on a trolley car to the "Land of Make Believe" and a smattering of snappy cardigans and skippy sneakers.

Some interesting Mr. Rogers facts:
For many years, Mr. Rogers mother knitted all of the sweaters worn on the program.

Mr. Rogers has worn over 25 different sweaters over the course of the program.

He was born in Latrobe, Pennsylvania (the same place where Rolling Rock beer is born).

"Mr. Roger's neighbourhood" first aired in 1963 on the Canadian Brodasting Corporation

The final episode of Mister Roger's Neighbourhood aired in 2001, making it the longest running show ever.

In 2002 President George W. Bush awarded Fred the highest civillian honor, the Preidential Medal of Freedom, for his work with the well being of children.

R.I.P. Mister Rogers.

Monday, February 24, 2003

This dead baby joke goes out to A Delicious Young Prince even though I already told it to him...

Q) What's 18 inches long and makes a woman cry all nite?

A) Crib Death

:::crickets:::
Commence with the stoning.

Big ups to Stan for being classy as always and sharing the joke

Sunday, February 23, 2003

Today I googled "Victoria's Secret Vanille Caramel" looking for my favorite perfume which went out of production, and in the related sites boxes on the left hand side I was given this gem...Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Beaver Shaver.com. Don't worry, sadly its not pr0n, but it'll help ya take a step in the right direction if thats your goal.

Sweet, Syrupy, Ottery Goodness

Back in the day when I was just a lil Diva, I used to love a delectable frozen treat known as the Otter Pop. There were six crazy characters whom I loved in my youth Alexander the Grape, Strawberry Short Kook, Louie-Bloo Raspberry, Sir Isaac Lime, Poncho Punch and Little Orphan Orange. All equally as tasty, all equally as intriguing. I decided to look further into the Otter Pop story and I present you the following links of ottery goodness:

Otter Pop HQ: Perhaps the greatest bastion of Otter Pop knowledge. In-depth assesments of each othe Pop personalities, war strategies, journal entries, games, experiments and art work. Sadly, it has come to my attention that my most beloved pop, Strawberry Short Kook, has a drug problem. Check it out: "The shortest member of team Otter Pop, Strawberry Short Kook is beloved by all for the adorable "pickles" she gets herself into. Like not being able to reach the top shelf. Or overdosing on quaaludes. It hurts her when the other Otter Pops call her shorty, but she laughs anyways, because she has her art and a crate that makes her less short. Probably the most popular of all the Otter Pops, mostly because of her refusal to wear any sort of shirt." Stop picking on her, you bastard Otters!! **this site is pretty much the pinnacle of Ottery entertainment, the rest I just found in Google**

Otter Pops that didn't make it some are quite funny. Better than the one at OPHQ cuase this one has pictures. Simpletons like me loves us some pictures.

The Otterpops (a band) go check out the site for the now defunct band, the Otterpops

Raphael's Rant on why Otter Pop Shots Ruined his life.

The Otter Pop shot, as referenced above.



This entry was dedicated to the masutrbating otter at the Boston Aquarium.





Saturday, February 22, 2003

Atta-girl!

Aside from countless jokes about their bad teeth , the British are back in the headlines...this time for their new appraoch to preventing teen pregnancy. They're not promoting abstinence, they're not handing out condums in the schools, oh no my friends, they're reaching out to the under 16 student population and promoting ORAL SEX

Thats right, 10,000 students in Britain's secondary schools are participating in a program called A Pause, which promotes experimentation with oral sex in an effort to reduce the number of kids engaging in sex and in turn reducing the British teen-pregancy rate, the highest in Western Europe.

I want them to put these Pause teachers out on the front-line in our pending war with Iraq. Send them out as missionaries to the uptight Muslim coutries in the world, let them know the wonders of the oral treats...they'll lighten up. No one can be unrelaxed while getting treats, forget all these disarming resolutions we're trying to pass in the U.N. Oral is the real key to the peace process. All we are saying is give b.j.'s a chance.

Thanks to Kooky's away message for this story

This is The Grand Ennui. I find it intriguing. It has lots of features, some girls with L A R G E boobies. Go forth and play with boz.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Oh yeah...big ups to Patches for sharing with us "The Shaming Jesus".

Damn It!

I was getting ready to give a shoutout to the Fuzzy Bottomed Anarchist when I checked it out and her blog has died. Come back...we hardly knew ye!! When her blog comes back, check it religiously, and tell her how much she rocks! She knows the magic of the post-coital Grilled Cheese for christ's sake! P R A I S E her!

Moving furniture is hard work. Now I know why men were invented.

The Diva's Cooking School: Grilled Cheese

Welcome kids to todays excitng lesson here at the Diva Cooking School, today we're making Grilled Cheese. To get started you'll need the following ingredients:





3 slices of the bread of your choice
1 croissant
Butter or margarine spread
10 slices of american cheese (Land O'Lakes is perferred)

Triple Decker grilled cheese:
Butter one side of each piece of bread. Place the first slice of bread (butter side down) into a frying pan over medium heat and place the cheese on the side facing up. (See Photo)



After the first side has had a chance to simmer, add the second piece of bread (butter side out) and flip the sandwich to brown this side.

While this side is browning and the first cooked side is facing up add more cheese and the final piece of bread butterside out.

Once the second side has had a chance to flip, put the third side face down in the pan and allow this to brown.

Remove from the pan and serve. It should look something like this:




For a second delicious recipe I give you the bonus "Croissant grilled cheese":

Halve the croissant as pictured below (this one got a lil sloppy and broke into fours)



Follow a standard grilled cheese recipe and voilá! Croissant grilled cheese! This one wasn't as tasty as I had hoped it'd be and it looked a little wierd, but I think its just because it needed more cheese...well, that and its french (eeew)



I hope you enjoyed these delectible recipes. Tune in next week, same blog time, same blog channel!!

Tina and Whitey hooked my ass up with some HAWT graphics to make my blog as pretty as everyone elses. She also hooked up Lemon Fresh Jesus' blog as well so that now you can see baby peesh on it. Unfortunately stupid 50megs bilked me out of cash which was a lil disappointing, but thast what happens when you come dependent on having a friend with a use of his server and then he takes his site down (R.I.P. nine-zero, lol). Thanks again guys you freakin rule!!

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Everyone has pictures in the title & heading of their blogs!! Help! Someone fix mine...I want something dynamic...something diva-ish...P l e a s e !!!! Pretty please with a cherry on top! I want bubbles or afroken or a Jack Russell Terrier. **interesting side fact: as of april 1, 2003, Jack Russell Terriers are being renamed to the Parsons Terrier**

I don't want to go to the gym tonite. Stupid boyfriend will make me...well, he's not stupid, just more dedicated to stuff than me. I'd rather just go soak in the hot tub and then go get my fish and chips at Bradford's.....mmmm....battered and fried fish, yum.

I'm jealous of Tina's blog (see 2/14/03). Its pretty and has cows & milk and most importantly humor. Seriously though, she's so cool...even her music is cool. bis, Lucious Jackson, the Cardigans...if only she likes Superchunk then I'm going to have to have a hitman take out her hubby and then I can swoop in. Okay, maybe this is turning into one of those single white female dealies. You can all watch dimentia set in as I slowly obsess over her and rename this blog to "Musing about Tina"...

Ok I'll stop I'm just insanely bored at class. My teacher is stiing here trying to explain the point of fonts and how people hand draw them and a ton of other shit no one cares about. When it comes time to learn what we're here for (Microsoft Word, for business no less!) she literally knows nothing about what we're supposed to be learning. She just told us the only way you can select text to reformat a document is "format -> font and scroll thru the font list". Bah she's a fucking idiot. I wonder if I brought a blowgun and darts next week I could take her out from this seat. Hmmm.... In the mean time you can check out my Cool Class Webpage (which she reffered us to except its not for this class its for Business Application Software, different class.

Todays interesting class facts:
Fonts with serif are best to use when writing to people over 40 years old because it helps them follow the type.
Computers shouldn't make fonts of your handwriting becuase then someone could forge a nasty note to your boss, and he wouldn't know it was printed out and you'd get fired.

Even though A Delicious Young Prince beat me to this the freakiness needs to be spread.
Y O U F U C K I N G F R E A K !

Friday, February 14, 2003

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth Perfume. When I went through my big Debbie Gibson phase I acutally owned this perfume. I cant tell you what it smells like, but I remember the bottle so well, the black ribbed cap, the pink coil around the straw. It just looked cool. This reminds me of my second grade birthday party when my best friend, Diana, got me the Debbie Gibson Electric Youth Tape! After all my friends left I stayed out on the deck replaying the song and making up this unmatched dance of greatness.

Alas, Debbie Gibson is no more, she's now "Debra Gibson" and she sucks. But with lyrics like this how could she have faded away so quickly. I knew every word of that goddamned song and when I get home tonite you bet your sweet ass I'm gonna get it from Limewire, the thing is I dont remember "take it fred"....wierd.

Now that its cold out I wish I had some Freezy Freakies. Perhaps their magical color changing ways would make me feel less bad about the cold if I were being entertained. I miss the 80's I had this great pair that were like this pretty red mitten with a rainbow on 'em and when you went outside a purple pegasus/unicorn appeared! My brother had these ones with all these mechanical dials on them and when you went outside the gauge indicators started to show up. It was cool. Now I must go scour ebay for them, although I know where I can find some in Manhattan if all the greedy grubs haven't snatched them up!

On the opposite end of the temperature color change fashion spectrum is the awfulHypercolor Clothing this is one trend even if i could find I wouldn't want to relive. I remember if you put 'em in the dryer too many times they stopped changing colors. My brother got the good one it was blue and turned pink. I got this ugly green and yellow one cause I was too fat for any other ones. They also always changed colors around your pits which was uber-embarassing. Blech

Also, it has come to my attention that Tina has started blogging again! Yay! Any chick who rocks that hard and has State references littering their blog is A-Ok in my book. So Tina, todays crappy blog entries that I make are dedicated to you...in that non-single white female stalkey kind of way.

Though I hate it HaPpY VaLeNtInE's DaY!, I hope you like don't get VD and stuff.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Okay, I cracked...class is too boring to not blog. So I'm back. And I'm the bearer of good news:

On my way to school today I stopped at Burger King. I should preface this by saying that I havent eaten fast food in about 2 years, so needless to say I was a little disappointed to find out they discontinued my favorite lil snacky the rodeo cheeseburger. Even better though, I discovered that they brought back one of my old BK favorites: the Italian Chicken sandwich.

Now I know what you're saying "ew gross" and I agree, there something entirely wrong with eating a chicken parm from Burger King, but its just so good. Fake sauce, fake chicken, fake cheese...is there anything better? Only the side of onion rings and frozen coke.

God, no wonder I'm always bitching about a diet....

Monday, February 10, 2003

Just because you have a blog where you post stupid pictures or off color comments doesn't make you funny, witty or even intelligent. Blogs are stupid. Everyone can fuck off and stop reading this one. I'm done writing.

fin.

Why is Led Zeppelin's "Fool In the Rain" such a good fucking song?

Oh, baby

Well there's a light in your eye that keeps shining
Like a star that can't wait for the night
I hate to think I've been blinded baby
Why can't I see you tonight?

And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin'
And the thrill of your touch gives me fright
And I'm shaking so much, really yearning
Why don't you show up, make it all right?
Yeah, it's all right.

And if you promised you'd love so completely
and you said you would always be true
You swore that you would never leave me, baby:
What ever happened to you?

And you thought it was only ?....?
As you wish all your dreams would come true--Hey
It ain't the first time believe me, baby
I'm standin here feeling blue
Yeah I'm blue

Now I will stand in the rain on the corner
I'll watch the people go shuffling downtown
Another ten minutes no longer
And then I'm turning around

The clock on the wall's moving slower
My heart it sinks to the ground
And the storm that I thought would blow over
Clouds the light of the love that I found

Now my body is starting to quiver
And the palms of my hands getting wet
I've got no reason to doubt you baby,
It's all a terrible mess

I'll run in the rain till I'm breathless
When I'm breathless I'll run till I drop, hey
The thoughts of a fool's kind of careless
I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block

Ha! The "Dude you're gettin' a dell!" guy got busted for pot! Sucker. Lock him up and throw away the key. He sucks.

All this terrorism alert mumbo jumbo has got me a little too paranoid. For instance there is a very high terrorism warning that was issued this past weekend for our country, but for New York City in particular. I spent my whole weekend on the city and the alert was issued for soft targets: hotels, subways, apartment buildings, etc. Basically just places with low security and high body counts.

Anyhow, I get onto the subway and I notice this guy get on. I notice him initially because he was very good looking. He sits down across from my friend and I. I see something on his backpack that catches my eye. A Palestinian Flag patch surrounded by some arabic style writing. My friend was talking to me, but I just kept staring at this guy, staring at the backpack, wondering if this was America's first suicide bomber. I wanted to whisper to my friend that we should get off the train, but I didn't want the guy to see me say anything. Obviously it ended up being nothing, but I'm scared of myself for even thinking like that. I'm scared that even if I was thinking of something like that I was too paralyzed to go do anything about it. I'm scared that I don't trust people anymore. Im scared that I have to live in this stupid fear. Im scared that I'm not one of those people who can just throw their caution to the wind and just party.

Friday, February 07, 2003

Mary-Kate & Ashley Olson are trying to take over the world. Singng their evil siren songs, making their dirty movies that no one watches except dirty males trying to run a batch and now they've ventured into every conceivable kind of merchandizing you can think of. Home fashions, clothing and now bath & beauty products. Last week I went to Wal*Mart and purchased a Mary-Kate and Ashley bath pouf for the shower at the gym. Two days later I got pink eye...those evil lil vixens!

I find it interesting that on their website they've dedicated a whole page to "plus size girls"...these toothpick thin little wenches are trying to be socially acceptable and talk about curvy girls? Please...go choke on your puke you bulemic lil wenches!

In their "Hip Picks" section the girls tell us what their favorite things are at the moment. Look at how thoughtful little Ashley is when talking about her favorite cd ""Their Greatest Hits: The Record" by the Bee Gees -- "in memory of band member Maurice Gibb, I had to mention this album. Every sleepover should include a little classic disco, and the Bee Gees are perfect for a fun night with friends." I don't think they could even name one single Bee Gees song...they probably only put it on their site to drive more traffic to it when people were googling "Maurice Gibb". Promo whores!

ugh...I hate them...blech...die!

Thursday, February 06, 2003

In a weird twist of events I realized JLo has written a ghettofied song version to help me with each of my most failed and perhaps emotionally crippling relationships. She's put into words almost everything I've wanted to say to them. So Joe B this link is for you...but a certain someone has been up my ass lately so this blog entry is dedicated to you....

Dear T,
"It's been awhile since you came around
Now ya wanna see what's goin' down
Tryin' to tell me how ya want my time
Tryin' to tell me how I'm on your mind
See it never had to be this way
You should of never played the games you played
Now I'm seein' that you're kinda lame
Knowin how the situation changed

Ain't it funny
Baby that you want me, when you had me
Love is crazy, now I can smile and say
Ain't it funny
Baby that you want me, when you had me
Love is crazy, I'm glad I can smile and say
Ain't it funny

I remember how you walked away
Even when I tried to call your name
See at first I didn't understand
Now you're lookin' like a lonely man (lonely man)
I remember how you did me wrong
And now you're hurtin' cuz my love is gone
Everybody gets a chance to burn
You can take it as a lesson learned

Ain't it funny
Baby that you want me, when you had me
Love is crazy, now I can smile and say
Ain't it funny
Baby that you want me, when you had me
Love is crazy, I'm glad I can smile and say
Ain't it funny

I really wish you wouldn't send me gifts
Tryin' to make me sit and reminisce
Tryin' to blind me with your bling bling
Thought I told you love don't cost a thing
Hope you realize that now I'm through
And I don't ever wanna hear from you
I had enough of bein' there for you
Now I'm laughin' while you play the fool
Ain't it funny?"

From,
Gwen
P.S. Your junk is really little...sucker!

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

This weekend I went to Ikea with the boyf. Goddamn, I love that wacky Sweedish shoppe (see, the extra "pe" makes it foreign...like the vitamin shoppe). I was surprised at how uncrowded it was there compared to last time I was there. Oh and in exciting Ikea news they changed the kids menu! No longer does your $1.99 get you a hot dog and french fries, but now you have your choice of that or some Y U M M Y mac & cheese. Woo hoo!

There was some wierd stuff going on in there....this woman who was speaking either Italian or Portugese had her entire shopping cart filled with tea lights. If you're even remotely familiar with Ikea, you know they sell about 200 tealights in a sack that will cost you about $3.00. This woman had an entire shopping cart full of those bags of tealights. I mean more than 10 bags. Thats like over 2,000 tealights. I appreciate that its a good deal, but c'mon, is there really a need for all those tealites? Is there some hidden black market for tealites that I am unaware of? If so how do I get in on this. I wanna be the king pin of a tealite crime syndicate.

Anyhow aside from that there were these lil teenybopper girls who we couldn't get away from. They were bracefaced and with their dad, well he was following them at a "cool" distance. The worst part about them (aside from their mindless chit chat about the "uncool" kids at school and "OMG OMG OMG can you BELIVE her") was they weren't even shopping for the myriad of cool stuffs Ikea has, they were shopping for furniture...couches, kitchen tables, entertainment units. At 13, who the fuck needs that?!?

Other than that it was magical and sad at the same time. I found the nicest furniture I wanted, but I was broke as a joke when we got there. Le sigh, le sigh...

Monday, February 03, 2003

I'm a big freak wierdo. Not only am I spreading my hella contagious conjunctivitis all over the tri-state area, but now Im having wacky dreams. Well, they didn't just start, but I keep having these dreams that I'm Sabrina the Teenaged Witch. I dream that I date Harvey Kinkle, I dream that I have magic powers when I wiggle my finger, but I never dream of episodes I've already seen...I find myself in situations totally unrelated to the show, but still involving many of the characters. Although I'm my ususal diva self in my dreams, not Sabrina, but I still see myself as Melissa Joan Hart. I think I'm fucking psychotic. Why do I keep having these dreams?

When I'm not having these dreams I'm having these other ones where I'm trying to get my whole family inside my house and lock all the windows and doors becuase a pack of mountain lions are trying to get inside and kill my family. Except my family keeps trying to go outside and just pretend nothings happening or they try and let the cats inside.

I think I need therapy.