<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d4114800\x26blogName\x3dDiva+%26+Co.\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://dynamitediva.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://dynamitediva.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-4265528711420804442', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Diva & Co.

Saturday, May 31, 2003

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Rain encompasses so many different emotions. Some find it sad, sexy, angry, refreshing, renewing, empowering or even calming. Its been raining here for three weeks. I don't live in Seattle or London, I don't particularly enjoy the rain anymore as its keeping me cooped up inside and I'm getting the "cabin fever". Today the rain is making me reminiss. I want to go barefoot in shorts and jump in the puddles and splash around like I did when I was younger. I want to go to Sam Murphy's house and make mud pies with all of her moms good spoons and forks and brand new tupperware, I could go to Nico's house and play office with the old business supplies lying around. I want to go to Molly Beth's house and play dressup and put on her mum's makeup or to Adam's and build a fort out on the huge rock in his back yard with a tarp his dad gave us.

Sometimes I think I want to do my life over. To not lose track of some of the people I miss the most. Not waste time or give up the aforementioned people in lieu of people who will turn out to not mean anything. I know if that happened I wouldn't be who I am today, but whats not to say that I couldn't be someone better than I am now. Someone who has completed college, someone who has a bright shining future. Someone who is comfortable enough in her own skin to not need to wear all these masks and be such a chameleon.

Sometimes i wish I could just be me...

Friday, May 30, 2003

The Friday Five

Alright kiddies, heres a new feature for ya, the Diva's Friday Five, wherein I will bestow upon you some little nuggets of wisdom I picked up in the past week or so. Strap on your harnesses and helmets and lets get ready to lick the windows together, shall we?

1) When you corner a man like the vile and otherwise skeevy rat that he is, he will fold like a cheap suit. (Thats right, he confessed to cheating and I told him to fuck off permanently, go me!)

2) Although it seems like a good idea at the time consuming 12 drinks on a work night, dancing on the bar with your best friend (who is playing shot girl) and dancing til 1 am is not a good idea when you have to be up for work at 6:15am. (Ick!) Similarly, being hungover at work is way underrated. Its more painful than you could imagine...even if you are playing boss.

3) No matter how much time passes between outings, when you hang out with people who are truly your friends its like picking up right where you left off. The scars of past battles fade with time and you can all smile together again.

4) To quote my mommy "A Leopard Can Not Change Its Spots", however its possible for a 150 lb girl to lose 200+lbs of dead weight (and look fabulous while doing it!)

5) Sheepy cards can ALWAYS make you smile even on a very SAD day. (Thank you!)

That wraps it up for this innagural (and lame) first edition of the friday five, tune in next week fearless reader, same diva time, same diva channel.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Iron Mike Strikes Again

In a television inteview scheduled for tonight, Mike Tyson says one of the most outrageous comments of his carrer (More crazy than the "I'll fuck you til you love me?" nah, not quite, but nutty nonetheless) When talking about the 1991 rape of Desiree Washington he commented that the burden of being a rapist makes him want to do it now:
"I just hate her guts. She put me in that state, where I don't know, I really wish I did now. But now I really do want to rape her."

Way to fucking be, cock pirate. Anywho, while we're on the topic of angry young men make sure you go check out Tazz's Blog. Its not very aesthetically pleasing, but his rants will make you lauhg your ass off once he gets going.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

A 2 Month Resolution

I, Gwen, hereby swear off boyfreinds for at L E A S T 2 months. Nothing but trouble you little creeps are. That is NOT to say that I swear off sexual man friends, or booty of any kind, but full on boyfriends & relationships are off limits for at least 2 months. This way I can get some money and get my act together. If you're really super great though and my friends approve of you then perhaps I would be willing to make an exception. Please send all inquiries with a photo and brief description to the "Love Letters" link above.

Hell Hath No Fury Like Gwen's Scorn
Let this be a lesson to anyone with a penis who is thinking of double crossing me...
You stole stuff, I backed you up
You sold & did drugs, I took you back & lied to everyone to convince them you were good.
You cheated on me, I let it slide
Now you are cheating, taking drugs and still lying to me and this is where I put my foot down.
FUCK YOU, BUD! Who do you think you are to cheat on me? With Reenie? Fucking puhleeze, man. I hope she gives you the herpes that she already has, that dirty bitch. I hope you scratch your junk until its festering and bleeding you miserable piece of shit. Blargh! I hate you and you will never ever ever get to be with me ever again. All your chances are G O N E ! I dont want you in my life, but I will continue to be friends with Colleen and Steve. If you want to fuck with me and start a war just bring it, you whiny lil bitch, I'll take you the fuck out, Gwen-style.


Tuesday, May 27, 2003


I woke up at 8pm last evening and I was vomiting like a madwoman. I ended up finally going to the Emergency Room at 2:30 in the morning only to be stuck with an IV, give blood, drink a ton of gross "medicines" and for the doctor to finally discharge me at 5:30 becuase "he didn't kwno what was wrong". Supposedly it was some mini g.i. bug, but lemme tell you I hate many peeps but I wish this on NO ONE. Goodness, it was like the most miserable night of my life.

Further more, Joe is a tool. I think I'm going to have to break up with him. No matter how much of a scumbag I say he isn't, he defintiley is. That creeps me out. Also, the more I drink around peopel the more I see waht they're really like as my internal walls come down I think my "crush blinders" also come down and I see shit for what it really is. Joe is really nothing. Ew. He's complacent in a life thats on a fast track to the shitter. Now comes the akward part of having to break up with him. Last time he was fucking insane when this happened. Hopefully he'll be cool this time.

Also, don't go to a beach front community when its raining, otherwise they will stick you in the most disgusting mildew smelling room that is freezing cold becuase it has no heat because its "only for summer use" okay, genius, why did you stick me in there, then?
I swear to god, sometimes i hate my life, lol. Other than that, the weekend was fun, I hung out with colleen alot, which was cool, I got to spend sometime with my lil lisa!, and the claw machines on the boardwalk had afrokens! Woooooo!

Friday, May 23, 2003

He didn't even get his last rights

I am a miserable, loser bitch. I have been driving for about 5.5 years and in all those years I've struck cars and people, but never cute, fluffy animals (at least ones that were still alive) today on my way back to work I hit a squirrel. I heard this quiet "thump" against my tire, I had seen him in the road, but I had no time to avoid him. I would have maybe felt better if I flattened the poor lil fella, but I just knocked him out and when I looked in my rearview I saw his tail flaililng around wildly...I pulled over like the pussy I am and cried for like 5 minutes. Poor lil guy was just living his squirrelly lil life and I ended it. I bet his momma is wondering where he is right now. How do I tell her? Should I send them a nice arrangement of Acorns and Peanuts to "big old oak tree....3rd nest on the right"? Oh well, I guess I should feel better that it wasn't a black squirrell, then I prolly would have killed myself. LFJ made a good point...he's in squirrel heaven getting his supply of eternal nuts. Godspeed, little fella.

Diva News Flash

I am calling it right now. Something H U G E is gonna go down in the Bush Administration in the next few weeks months. If something weren't about to surface then why would Ari Fleischer, Christine Whitman and Tommy Franks all retire, resign, stepdown within a week of each other. We have the Presiden'ts spokesman, EPA cheif, and head tactical general all retiring in one fricking week? The poop is about to hit the fan kids, hold on to your asses.

And in other news, Stone Temple Pilots front man, Scott Weiland was arrested for drug possesion again on Monday. Way to be scott, way to be.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Because I Love You

**Warning sappy estrogen fuled cheeze fest ahead**

"We are each but angels with only one wing and thus we must embrace each other to fly"
"Friends are angels who carry us when our own wings have forgotten how to fly"
"A circle is round, it has no end, thats how long I want to be your friend."

I love you, you're my bestest bff!! Smile, and let me see your face light up, gorgeous!


153lbs...3lbs gone. Woo Hoo!


Okay my email is fucked so I had to change my email. Please update accordingly my new address is dynamitediva628@yahoo.com....my aim is still the same iabsolutangeli . Thanks guys!

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Rainy Wednesday Blahs

Its raining. Its supposed to rain the whole long weekend. This ruins my plans to spend my extra vacation day at the beach. I've already gotten the room...now I'll be stuck at a rainy beach community for the whole weekend as it pours. Oh well, I get to spend time with my Lisa anyhow, no biggie. (c:

Someone I know, who I almost forged a relationship with has passed away. He was in his early twenties. Tonight is his wake. I am going to be a support for one of my friends who was closer with him, but also to get some closure on the situation myself. It doesn't seem quite real to me yet, but on the same hand I don't want to see him in the coffin, I don't know that I can handle seeing another body of a person my age in a casket. I think I have to see it so I can stop being all deluded by it and try and get it off my mind, but its a scary thing. Some people are using this as a really disgusting opportunity to further their own causes and shop for new clothing for themselves. People like that make me want to scream.

Last night I dreamt that my mother was letting my father move back into our house. He kept trying to talk to me and I was snide and cruel to him, I eventually just burst out into to tears and began kicking and screaming throwing a tantrum and commenting on how I don't need him and I've gotten this far with out him and I told him how great my life has been with out him. I tried to move out, but I ended up homeless just like he had been. God, I hate him.

Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

You Want The Truth?

Boy: I never know what to believe anynmore
I AbsolutAngel I: wait, what are YOU talking about?
Boy: I dunno if you are ever honest with me anymore or not, and it drives me nuts
I AbsolutAngel I: why does it matter?
I AbsolutAngel I: like honestly why do the inconsequential details of my life bother you so much
Boy: Its not so much that as the fact that going from best friends to lies and half truths through no fault of my own is a little confuding
I AbsolutAngel I: well if i tell you the truth then you flip out and have a bitch fit over somethign that really isn't any concern of yours
I AbsolutAngel I: so its easier for me to just tell you half the truth or tell you the truth when its convenvinet

Here is the whole truth, live and a lil late breaking but this way I can't be accused of things and this way everythign is out in the open and I can finally say everything I want to say in my blog. I still am dating Joe. Yes, thats right. I am Joe's girlfriend, Joe is my boyfriend. We date. He was a scumbag and he still kind of is a little, but he's getting his life together. You can't pass judgement on me because of who I like, love or choose to spend my time with. If you want to get pissy over this then fine, but thats it...the whole truth. I am dating Joe. And yes, I really was in Massachusetts this weekend, so don't even start with that. If we aren't friends any more becuase of this than that is superfuckinglame, but its your choice and I will respect it and back out of your life. Bottom line. The ball is in your court. You decide what happens now.

Stop Whining

For all you motherbitches whining that my comments suck....I've fixed it and switched comment hosts (cheeks, I'm looking in your direction!) Also, I've put up my 100 things so check that out too!


Last night I dreamt of my ex. Its been like almost a year and a half that we've been broken up, but I would still get back with him in a heart beat. I dreamt that we were hugging and just holding hands, walking around places and he was *SO* happy to see me. It was awesome. Its weird, because in real life we're still good friends and we hang out and hug sometimes, but he has his new chick and I have my new guy, but I still know he's not 100% happy with her, and he wants to go out with some REALLY hot chick, but I know I could make him so happy, and I think deep down somewhere inside his heart he knows it too.

Anyhow, the second part of my dream I was in a convenience store (ala Seven Eleven) with my mom and grandmother and the clerk ringing us up tried to charge us 97.92 for 2 packs of cigs, a snapple and 2 wa-wa peddles that were only $12.99. We fought him, threw sodas at him and then stole his car keys and in turn his car ( a beat up 1986 honda civic, dark blue). The cops pulled us over for stealing the car but we got out on foot and ran, but my gramma can't run, so I gave her a piggyback, then I went to school at Iona College (where the Ex goes) and it was this huge high structure with no walls and no floors just a huge cargo net thing you had to climb. Tres scary, it was so high up. I'm gonna miss my paxil dreams if I ever get off this.


Day 2: 155 lbs.
Sushi feast for dinner last nite and I saved one point to use later in the week! Woo!
Brekkies: 1 cup vanilla yogurt, 1 nutrigrain bar, water 7 points.
Lunch: cucumber salad 1 point
Snack: peeled baby carrots: 0 points

Monday, May 19, 2003

Kill Me, Please

Weight watchers points diet...Day 1: 156 lbs. Point range 18-25 points.
breakfast: 2 cups lucky charms cereal, 1 cup 2% milk, water. 7 Points.
lunch: 1 cup home made macaroni & cheese. water. 7 Points.
snack: 2 cups sugar free jell-o 0 points

Well I've officially quit smoking, again. (Give me a break, because I folded under the peer pressure) Last night I smoked til I felt nauseous as all hell. So I won't want to smoke and also my mom isn't driving me to work this week so I won't be tempted to smoke with her.

Also: 40 days til my birthday! Thats right, only 40 shopping days left to get me one of the great goodies I've listed on my amazon.com wishlist (gwenythlowden@yahoo.com...look me up!). I figure I've given you party people enough good batch material over the last few weeks taht the least you could do is throw me a frickin bone and make me have some neato stuffs!! That is all.

Happy Birthday to A Delicious Young Prince!

You're and old, old bag now....but these asian women are waiting for you! The booze is already flowing!

Sunday, May 18, 2003


"Did you like the flowers I sent?
You could've called to thank me,
well you could've called.

I tried to kiss you
on Brooklyn Avenue,
but you got in your car, before I could move.

I've been falling like the rain,
but you've got your umbrella in my way.

Fists and fingers, tongues and teeth.
I want to see you, I'm tired of my dreams;
nights of wishing, I could open my mouth
and when I finally did speak,
you were nowhere to be found.

I've been falling like the rain--
you've got your umbrella in my way again

I had the sun in my hands
I had the sun in my hands
'til you said you liked the rain.
I had it all in my hands, I had it all
but I gave it all away.

Did I scare you off, by being honest?
how come we never see the end, 'til it's right there upon us?
If you want, I can go away,
but like the rain, I'll come again some other day.

I've been falling like the rain--
you've got your umbrella in my way again.
One of these days I'm going to come along
in the middle of sunshine and be a
little sunshower
make you rise up like a flower,
and you can be my little daisy, be my daisy. " -d.e.v.

Friday, May 16, 2003

Neither Here, Nor There

I wish my life seemed more interesting. Lately I've just been writing absolutely inane things, but I don't want to bore people with the remedial details of my life. I do like to let you all in from time to time, and get your opinions, but I don't really know what I have this blog for. Sometimes its big ranting and outpourings of feelings, sometimes its just a place to collect the smattering of ideas that run through my head so I don't forget things (being that I have a mind like a seive thats quite easy). I vow to you all, my dear, dear readers, my blog will get better as it has been "teh suck" lately.

I think its interesting to me to look back on my earliest entries and say to myself, "God, that seems so long ago" though its only been a matter of a few months. I can't wait until this blog is a year old and I can look back and it will really have been a while ago.

The other thing that bothers me, and perhaps I'll have to change this, is the fact that although this is MY blog, and my own personal space, I cant be completely honest here, nor can I divulge all the detals of my life. You see, there are some people reading this blog who I am not entirely honest with. That is not to say that I'm lying to them, but they just don't know ALL the situations in my life...and they can't, because that would cause some serious ruckus. To me its better to revel in my own little happinesses and disappointments concerning those "unspoken situations" than to share them all, but beleive me I wish I could share them. Its not that they'd make the blog any more thrilling, I just wish I had somewhere to record this all for reflection...I guess I'll have to save my personal "paper" journal for that.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned

I think many of you hate me because I hate fat people. You see, I don't really hate fat people. I hate EVERYONE. I am an equal opportunity hater and a super bitch with a wicked case of PMS....pay no mind to the girl behind the blog.

I watched Dawson's Creek the series finale and I weeped like a fucking little bitch. What can I say, that corny teen melodrama shit really melts my icy heart.

I'm stoked that its Friday tomorrow 'cause I'm broke and money would be super right about now.

I've started reading a lot of blogs lately (not just the ones linked here) and you people are funny as hell and some of you are very interesting.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

That is all.

Tax Dollars Hard at Work

I'm on hold on the phone with the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles. So far I've heard the following delightful muzak tunes in between the pertinent clips of DMV info (most of which tells me just to go to their website):
Cruisin' - Hewey Lewis & Gwenyth Paltrow
In My Life - The Beatles
Sunny Came Home - Shawn Culvin
Some unknown piece of turd about an "All Time High"
Another unknown but equally sucky tune "This is how most ouf our ladies grew up at the country club, dancing."
I think its great to see that we're in a budget crisis here in my state, but at least we've got snazzy assed tunes on the DMV phone holding system. Apparently the woman wants me to know that my call is important to them. Meh, so answer the fucking phone already

Le Sigh

Why does no one love my blog anymore?


Reloaded was pretty good. A little over hyped and a slow assed start, but it fulfilled my expectations for the most part. I think the woman who plays Trinity, Carrie Ann Moss, is THE most bad-assed, fucking rock your socks off, kick your ass and then spit on you, tough as nails hot chick EVER! God she rules. Freddy vs. Jason & Legally Blonde 2 trailers also rocked. No Return of the King trailer though, that was disappointing. Oh and they had a Terminator 3 trailer and a 2Fast 2 Furious (Fast & the Furious sequel) trailer. What pieces of frozen bum piss and monkey shit are those movies? Jesus fuckin christ, man!

Jack offered me the following comments about the film early this morning:
Iamtheyeti311: meh, i felt cheated
Iamtheyeti311: lol
Iamtheyeti311: now i know what a woman feels like after sex
I AbsolutAngel I: lol
Iamtheyeti311: like, "thats it."

All in all I give Matrix: Reloaded a 9 out of a possible 10 pink divarific stars.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Matrixy Goodness

Tonite I get to go see a super top secret sneak preview of Matrix Reloaded. I am quite stoked for this. AND I get to go to happy hour at Thirsty Turtle! Yay²!

I Love This

This is a very cool drawing by my favorite Patchus.

A Case of the Wednesday Blahs

I'm feeling very blah today. I feel great because I got like 12 hours of sleep, but other than that I'm very out of sorts from my usual diva-self. I also realized I have a HUGE project I have to work on here at my job, but as usual I'm procrastinating. Somehow I got the brilliant idea to tell the project managers that I could have it done by May 27th. Way to be, Gwen, way to be. Acutally its very easy but its more me relying on others to get their information to me which is quite the task. No one here likes to get anything done on time. Alas, I sit here blogging to pass my time.

I'm also dreading my trip to the DMV on Thursday night after work. Those people are a nightmare and I have to try and reactivate plates that were stolen 10 years ago but recovered shortly there after. They're also vanity plates so it will cost me an arm and a leg to do it, but in the end it will make it much easier to find my car in the parking lot. Also, I've put off my dieting and excercise until next week. I'm super PMSy and miserable this week so I've decided to let my hormones be in charge rather than piss myself off any further.

Also, go check out Anna's Blog. She's punk rawk, a super hottie, she's got a "smokin' rack", she organizes B I T C H I N' shows, and just otherwise rules and is one of my bestest girlies. You will love her, I promise! That is all for now.

Oh yeah, get well soon, Patches!

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

How cool is this?

Monday, May 12, 2003


I stole this from Missy's away message...

Diva Dating Service, Inc.

This is my friend Jamie. He rules! He's is 21 (he'll be 22 next week) and lives in Spokane, Washington (yes, the state). He's 5'10, 240 and has the cutest hazel eyes and curly brown hair (he can grow it into a "TimboFro"!) Jamie rocks the freaking heazy and he needs a super-awesome, really cool, neato, hottie-supafly girlfriend. Help him out. If you know anyone whos interested in his lil monkey ass hit him up with an email or leave a comment.

Anyhow, this is not a joke, I love Jamie dearly and he needs to get laid. His last girlfriend was a megawhore cheating bitch and so he needs to do better. And before you all start with your "Oh, Gwen, why don't you date him crap, we already dated, it didn't work out, but this kid is my BOY so I have to look out for him.

His musical tastes rock, he always cheers you up, he has a good sense of style, he's funny as all hell and he is gonna work at Walt Disney World™ soon! So you should get in and hopefully get down with him in Florida! He would be open to dating a girl at his school, WSU (go Cougs!), but they only wanna date basketball players or they're dirty who-ahs. Right, so as I said, hook a brova up!

**Also: any other guys/girls looking for a date?? Send me a pic and a quick bio and I'll try and hook your ass up too! I've made plenty of happy matches in my day...I just can't find the right one for me....so, um, I guess if you think you're the right guy/girl for me you can also email me with a picture and a short bio**

I Am A Ranting, Insensitive Bitch

Okay, I don't care if you think I'm insensitve for what I'm about to say, and if you do feck you too! This is a giant FECK YOU! to all the fat people here in my area who park in handicapped spaces when their only visible handicap is fat. Fat is not a fecking handicap. You are the people who SHOULD be parking further away because you could acutally use the excercise you huge, fat, gross mess! I don't know what you're paying the idiots at the DMV to issue you that handicapped hang tag but you're taking valuable parking away from my grandmother, who is legitimately handicapped (she can barely see and has a hard time walking). Similarly I am someone who could also use one of those hang tags. I have Lyme Disease and when it starts to act up its extremely painful to be mobile because my hips and knees are so stiff, but I still must travel to the end of the parking lot and walk past your fat ass stuffing bags of ho-ho's and twinkies into your car like there was about to be a shortage of them.

You are the same people who get scooters at theme parks and casinos becuase you're too fecking fat to walk around, yet you're the first one to nearly run my ass over to get to the buffet line at the casino. Honestly, why are you even bothering to go to Great Adventure or Disney World? Your disgusitng, morbidly obese body wont fit into any of the ride cars. Then you'll sue them because they're insensitive to your needs. Unfortunately a panel of jurors will award you the cash to try and "stick it to the big corporations with all the money"....not realizing they're raising many of their prices to deal with the reprocussions of all of these frivolous law suits that morons like you are starting. I hope you get taken out Mama Cass style. Feck you, pigs.

Mindless Mush

I had a really great weekend. I got to see a lot of people I don't normally hang out with which was great. I took my mom out for Mother's Day. We went into Manhattan and saw "Movin' Out", the Billy Joel musical. It was actually really, REALLY good! Then my brother treated her and I to Ruth's Chris steaks for dinner. That was extremely yum. It was so cute because at the end of the night she started crying and thanking us for "the best mother's day ever". It was tres cute.

I'm thinking of getting an apartment about 20 mins away from where I live now with my best friend from high school. I dunno how it will work out, but we're both employed full time and we've lived together before, so hopefully it wont be that bad. Plus we would have the cutest, best, most awesome apartment. Woo hoo to that.

I'm also stoked because I get to do a focus group. Its like only an hour and its about facial cleansers and they're gonna pay me $50. Suhweet! She also told me she would keep me on the list and call me when she needed people. W00t, w00tarini!

Oh, I also got new emo/ashleigh banfield glasses. Yay!

Friday, May 09, 2003

Random Friday Thought

I'd like to open a restaurant...2 restauruants acutally. One would be all chicken skin (after all, any avid chicken eater knows the skin is the best part) it would offer all various flavors of skin (garlic, butter, brown sugar, chive, dill, etc) I dunno what I'd call it though.

The second place would be called "Gwen's Feed Bag". It would be a fast food restaurant serving things foil lined bags which include a mish mash of ingredients (similar to a Cornish Pastie...for my UK readers, only with out the yummy, flaky crust). There would be all kinds of meals: chicken nuggets and fries, fried shirmp and veggies, different kinds of stews and other hearty meals. It would make millions I say...millions. My slogan would be "Come to Gwen's Feed Bag and Put your Face to the Sack". Goddamn, I'm a marketing genius.

I Can Never Watch T.V. Again

Ladies and gents, I can never watch T.V. again as long as I live for I have seen the pinnacle in perfect programming. Leave it to those geniuses over at Fox to come up with The Miss Dog Beauty Pageant. Thats right, a beauty pageant for doggies. It had a talent portion, and evening gowns. Let me tell you, these were some SEXY bitches!

My personal favorite, Miss New York, a Jack Russell Terrier named Anastasia was eliminated from the K-9 and didn't make it to the final 5, but her talent was popping balloons so thats understandable. Her emerald green gown was astonishing though. Then of the final five I was torn between Disco, the golden retriever and Daisy the beagle and neither of them won (they placed in the bottom 2 of the final 5). Of the top 2 choices there was a border collie (bleh) and a jack russell mix. The JR mix climbed a ladder and walked a tightrope to rescue a cookiemonster baby! All the border collie did was walk downstairs. Alas the fickle judges made their decision and Sweet Pea, Miss Illinois was the first ever crowned "Miss Dog".

I will never watch anything else on tv as this was just literally untoppable, but I have gained new respect for Fox, and you bet your ass I will watch this next year.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Because Today I felt Scandalous

School Daze
Detective Hat

Holy Fecking Scariness!

I got a link that said "check out this cute lil easter bunny"...and it was this:
Easter Bunny?!?. Its totally safe for work, but just scares the shyte out of me so I can't display it here on my blog. View at your own risk.

Warning: Rant Ahead

For some wierd reason I am in an EXTREMELY cranky mood. (Big surprise, right?) Dear little Gwen, why are you so pissy? Oh goodness, that is a loaded question:
1) Wheelchair guy is cooking some "food" in the microwave that smells like a loose taco stool, and he clipped his nails at work today and some flew on my desk AND he is sitting next to me SCREAMING on the phone in spanish. Like anyone cares about what he has to say? Lower your voice a) this is an office b) you're so OBVIOUSLY on a personal call.

2) No cigarettes, coffee or junkfood is making me a mean, mean little girl.

3) I still have this pesky SARS and I've run out of tissues at my desk so I'm having to tend to my nose with the cheap office paper towelling which is much more itchy and less friendly on my lil nose.

4) Nothing new has happened with my ecosphere...although it does look a little more green today.

5) Its gloomy and raining today...I don't like it one bit.

6) I have no money (and I just got paid last friday) and I didn't even adhere one iota to my "get outta debt" plan. This lack of funds means no happy hour for me. Le sigh.

7) I miss Tina & Lisa...neither of them has been on AIM and thus I haven't spoken to either of them.

8) I need a nap, desparately.

Heeeeeeeeeeeereeees Gwenny!

no sweets no coffee no junkfood and no cigarettes make gwen something something

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Happy Birthday Shanti!

Since you are the buddy christ, I felt this card was most appropriate:

Oh and good luck on your driving test!

EcoSphere Day 2

I did some studying on this last night and according to some ecosphere experts, in order for my tiny world to thrive it needs 6-8 hours of partial sunlight or flourescent light. Lucky for me I'm a slave to the man and in this wacky world of papertrails the only lighting is flourescent, so I've relocated the ecosphere to sit directly under my flourescent desk lamp. Maybe I should put some of my SARS infested snot into the mix, to jumpstart the "growth" in there. Nah, thats too gross, even for me.

Anywhoo, todays observations: still the slight greenish algae tinge on the bottom, condesation in the top of the bottle. Nothing of notable difference.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Its About Time

Oh my fecking God, this is the most YAY news I have heard in quite sometime. Finally, the Indiana Jones Trilogy comes to DVD. Slated for a late fall 2003 release date. Who's gonna buy me this for christmas?!?

Holy mucho gigantic yays!

All In The Name Of Science

I've never been big into science, but over dinner at the Outback this weekend with ADYP and Lemon Fresh Jesus the topic of those nifty Brookstone "EcoSpheres" came up. We were all commenting on how neat it was and how we'd all like one, and of course ADYP had to bring up the buring question: "What if you jizzed into one? Could you create a new master race of seamonkeys?"

Alas, I come into work this morning and there is a Litre of Poland Spring on my desk which has been there festering under the light for about 3 weeks to a month. I'd only drank about a quarter of it before I forgot about it all together. I notice there is some green algae starting to grow in the bottom of it. Now, for the sake of science I will leave this bottle here and see if I have created life through a little saliva and a lot of forgotten, overpriced bottled water. Perhaps I will create a race of small people who will in turn capture me, shrink me and make me their Goddess, like they did to little Lisa Simpson. That could be neat. I bet being a diety pays well. So here it is, officially, Day 1 of the Great Ecosphere Experiment has gotten underway. All I have to report is a thin layer of green algae. I'll keep you posted with developments.

A New Leaf?

I'm making yet ANOTHER half assed attempt to be a healthier person. I have quit cold turkey soda, cigarettes, coffee and most junk food. No more bacon, egg and cheese for breakfast, no more dunkin donuts. I can do it, damn it. (Please pardon my bitchiness should it crop up in the next few days weeks). I'm walking a mile at the local high school track every day, I'm still doing my Pilates. I started taking a multi-vitamin and vitamin C (in hopes that I can kick this pesky SARS). I invite you all to place your bets now as to how long this lasts, maybe I'll send you a neat prize if you win.

Next month is my birthday, I will be 22. I feel like I have no good milestone birthdays to look forward to anymore. Can't I just stay 21 forever? Maybe 25 'cause at least I can rent a car then. I shouldn't be so outta shape and the teensy bit over weight that I am, so hopefully by end of teh summer I will be decent...just in time to pack on the winter weight. Yay. Lol.

Monday, May 05, 2003

Two Questions:

1) Is this sexual harassment?
2) Is it wrong if I think its kinda hot?

To Hell In a Handbasket

Everyone else has been putting it up and I know some people other than our "bloggy community" who read this so check out my results on the Dante's Inferno Hell test. It says I'm in circle 7, but the day before I took it and was in the 8th circle of Hell, the Malebolge (huh huh...I said male bulge). Damn it I wanna go back with all the other panderers & gypsies. Anyhow, big ups to Boz and Kevynn for putting this up for me to take.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test


Okay my blog is back to relative normal status. well...kinda. Oh and backblog comments killed my blog....so i wont be using those anymore. Miraculously I somehow fixed my commenting myself and didn't have to harass ADYP. Damn, I'm good.

Friday, May 02, 2003

Death of a Diva!

All these blogger and cam troubles combined with my pesky infection of SARS has finally killed me. I leave Kooky my mac and he is the executor of my will. Meh!

Under Construction

Okay so my bloggypoo needed a facelift, big time. I decided to fix it up with some help of those kids at BlogSkins. I'm still doing lil tweaks here and there, but it should be A+, 100% again in no time. Tina & Patches artwork will go back up and I will sure miss my old tinafied blog. I love her for all the hard work she did. Thanks bunches hunny!

Thursday, May 01, 2003

My Last Will & Testament

I, Dynamite Diva, being of sound mind and body on this the first day of May in the year two thousand three would like to leave my following possesions to the following people upon my inevitable and untimely passing:

To patches, I leave my blog, sticker collection, card collection, Shadow and all my llama love.
To Tina I leave all my CPK, girlie 80's toys, powerpuff girl & sanrio stuff and my tilt jeans.
To Lisa I leave all my shoes and chapsticks, Aidan and sordid secrets for good gossip later.
To Lou I leave all my shitty pop music cds...do what them with you will, but I know the temptation to listen will over take you eventually.
To Jon I leave my vibrators because as you once said (and I quote) "I can't compare".
To Missy I leave my kitties and my martini shaker collection (complete with cool martini glasses).
To Anna I leave my detective hats, feather boas and digicam so you can take awesome SG.com pics.
To Petrina I leave my top-secret brownie recipe, my simpsons figure collection and my cat, Milo, so you can have Milo & Otis.
To Michael I leave 25 million dollars so you can buy your downtrodden soul back from Whitey.

The rest of you can fight amongst yourselves for the piddly crap I have left (and if you find my furby, burn it)