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Diva & Co.

Friday, December 30, 2005

2005 Recap

Moved in with boyfriend
Kidnapped said boyfriend and went to Vegas
Two friends got engaged
Quit a job
Got my wisdom teeth pulled
Got a job I don't mind as much
Went to Lake George
Turned 24
Got an awesome dog
Got a hugeassed TV
Got XBox 360
Started and FINISHED an semester of school
Got drunk a lot
Didn't blog too much

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Irony


The movie theater in my town has a sign that reads "The theater that Rent is being shown in has no heat".

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Christmas Miracle

I just got the following email from my math professor who I now will adore for eternity.

Deja,

I got your note on the top of your College Algebra Final Exam, and took into consideration the fact that you were stuck in traffic and only had an hour for the exam. Although your exam grade was a 45, I did calculate your garde without the final and averaged the grades, giving you a B- for the course, rather than the "C".

Have a happy holiday!


[Awesome Prof]
Mathematics Department

YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAY!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Like I Expected Any Different

Last night at exactly 6:04 p.m. my life began to implode.

I got on the highway to go to school (a twenty minute drive, fifteen minutes on a good day) and it took me 57 minutes to get to school. Once I got to school with my note sheet in hand (a good notesheet, mind you) I realized quite possibly the worst thing I could possibly realize: I had come to school for my college algebra final WITHOUT A GRAPHING CALCULATOR!

At this point in time I have NO idea where my calculator is. I don't even know where to start looking. I frantically rip apart my car on the slim hope that it will be there, alas, nothing. I head into the test figuring my professor will have one I can borrow (as he's done this before). He isn't proctoring the exam.

Armed only with my cellphone calculator I begin the test. I answered 3 questions as that was all I could do based on the rudementary functions of my cellphone. It was a twenty question test. I am assuming that this means each question was worth five points, this doesn't take into account questions which may be weighted based on the difficulty of the skill we were being tested on. So, like I was saying assuming I got the 3 questions I answered correct and assuming they're worth 5 points each, I've managed to score AT ABSOLUTE BEST a 15 out of 100 possible points. This means I may have to take college algebra a third time.

I wrote my professor a note, explaining my dire situation, but I think he'll care not. At this point I am trying to look for a bright side in this. Maybe this is my chance to give up on this awful school and this dumb business degree and switch schools acting like I've never attended college and pursue my English degree at a real school. Maybe, this is a sign that I should hold off on college, can I wait that long? Do I pay off my debt, quit my job and go back to working part time and schooling full time? I'll have no insurance, but I should be okay. Crazy.

Thanks if you read this far, I don't really need sympathy, I just needed to vent.

Monday, December 19, 2005

FYAD: Karaoke

This weekend I saw karaoke so horrifying, so awful and so wrong that it actually made me leave the bar. This karaoke was something the likes of which man should never lay eyes upon. It was as if, at my favorite bar, they were holding auditions for “American Idol: The Special Olympics Edition”. Only there was no Johnny Knoxville or even a Simon Cowell to provide any sort of predictable comic relief. Not even keg cup after keg cup of sweet booze could make this better. While no one was actually retarded, it may have helped if they had been. I have, in fact, seen special needs children perform karaoke at a bowling alley (singing Salt ‘n Pepa’s “What a Man” no less) and they were miles better than these people. Why was this so awful? Allow me to give you a brief rundown of the songs they sang.

You can only begin to imagine how magical karaoke in a bar full of twenty and early thirty-somethings is going to be when it starts off with “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”. We then broke into a funky rendition of “Sweet Dreams” by LaBouche. I was almost overcome by douche chills as I attempted to fight off the Night at the Roxbury flashbacks. Oh, but it gets better, people; this was only the beginning.

Next up we brought it more modern with “Cleaning Out My Closet”. Whoever was singing was right on key with the music, didn’t miss a word even when the words got fast. I looked to see who this karaoke maven was and I saw a white dude in a striped shirt with a backwards black Kangol hat who was pushin’ about 350 lbs. “Not bad.” I thought to myself, and then Reg pointed out the fact that the guy was only holding the mic to his mouth and it was actually someone on the karaoke track who was nailin’ it. We watched another two minutes and didn’t hear him sing a single word. Dissapointment.

Here is where it really turned bad. Next up we had “Mady” by Barry Manilow, “Just a Gigolo” by David Lee Roth, “If They Could See Me Now” (yes, the showtune) and the straw that broke the camel’s back was a rendition of the Carpenter’s “Close to You” (why do birds suddenly appear…you know the horror). This was cringeworthy enough on it’s own, couple this with the fact that it was being sang by a long-haired, red headed hippie who sounded like Kermit the frog, but not on purpose and you can share my pain (it’s okay go get a sip of water and the vomit taste at the back of your throat will start to subside).

A perfectly good Saturday night with a great buzz already started ruined by a bunch of wannabe window-lickers whose mother’s told them they’re talented. Parents, I implore you, don’t give your children false hope. They’re not all beautiful, unique, snowflakes, sometimes you don’t hit the genetic lottery and you’ll end up making other people suffer and mock your children.

Monday, December 12, 2005

No, I'll Smack Your Bottom!

Those stupid Christmahanukwanzakah Songs are all stuck in my head! Damn it.

Winding Down

My weekend was actually good. Andrew and I only spent $20 each this weekend (which is *SO* helpful 'cause I'm so broke 'til Thursday when I get paid). I cooked like a mofo this weekend. Steak dinner on Saturday, French toast on Sunday morning, dinner of fried raviolis on Sunday night. Plus I baked peanut butter cookies. I didn't think I had it in me to be this domestic.

I have no class at all this week, but I'm going to have to study for my econ final, (it's semi-open note, I just have to take the right notes)and my math final. Once this semester is done I want to go out and get blindingly drunk to celebrate, but until the semester is over I feel like I can't relax. I was (and still am) thinking about taking an intersession class, but I won't have any time off and I was kind of looking forward to this whole not having to work time. I just want to be done with school so I want to keep plowing on and getting it done faster, but I'm risking burn out for sure.

I need to start napping as well. I get up at 7 a.m. 6 days out of the week and I get up at 9:30 a.m. on Sundays I just feel like I don't get that much tiem on the weekends to enjoy so I don't want to waste a lot of it sleeping. F-that, I need the sleep.

Friday, December 09, 2005

O, Christmas Tree

Inspired by Liz's post.

Inaugural Winter 2005-06 Snow Rant

So there are a million feet of snow (or 4-6 inches), Reg gets the day off and I had to come to work and stay til 6 p.m. RAR!

My office took the time to buy a telecommuting program for everyone and if you have to telecommute more than 3x a month they'll pay for your cable modem bill for the month! Yet, they NEVER close the office. They only got the telcom program so that when they "close" the office on a holiday we can all work from home.

The roads in my town are ATROCIOUS and for some reason the guy who owned my car before me put sport tires on the car on oversized rims. This means if I want to get good snow tires I have to shell out the ducats to buy all new rims too. P O O O O O O O P ! This is freakin' New England and yet every year people seem to forget how to drive in the snow. Why buy a sport utility vehicle if you're not going to put it into 4wd so you can "conserve gas". Fuckers. I need a running start to get up any hill 'cause of my crappy tires and I am getting stuck behind people in H2s driving less than 10 miles per hour!

I am le aggravated.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Oh My Darlin'

Clementines are so delicous and addictive. I've decided to write a haiku about them to celebrate.

Juicy Citrus Fruit
Fun to eat, peel and consume
Why eat only one?

Something a little positive:

I won $50 on a single scratch-off ticket last night. I did a dance of joy. Apparently Hank is not having the same luck as me. We need to coordinate better.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Prepping to Start A New Year

There is a bar in the city called Brother Jimmy's Bait Shack.
It's a really fun bar, but looks like a dive. Anyhow, they're famous for 2 things: Barbeque and Swamp Water. Every new year's eve they have a really kick ass party. Right now it is looking like $75 open bar and buffet from 10pm till 2am. Then it would be a cash bar after that until 4am. You get crowns, hats, noisemakers, champagne to toast at midnight, BBQ buffet (mac n'cheese, chicken wings, ribs, mozzarella sticks, hot dogs, burgers, whatever). Open bar includes Swampwater (fishbowls filled with a delicious green cloudy mix of booze (complete with a dead toy alligator for good measure)). $75 seems like a lot, but when you factor in that you're being fed and getting an open bar for 4 hours and then realize how much you can drink in 4 hours, you'll realize it's a pretty good deal.

If any of you guys are interested I think it could be a lot of fun. I've already spent one new year there and it was a blast. Plus the trains run all night long so you don't have to worry about getting out early or fighting to park somehwere. If you're interested in goign you need to get tickets ahead of time. Unless someone can come up with a better plan this is how I will be spending my new year. I hope to see some of you there and if not I hope the rest of you have a safe and wonderful new year.